verdades

OJO: SPOILERS

* 300: Gays kill blacks.
* 8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.
* ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
* AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON: Tourist causes riot.
* BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
* BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
* BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S: Pretty redneck girl fools socialites, flirts with gay gigolo.
* BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.
* CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
* CHASING AMY: Homosexuality proved to be passing fancy and sign of sexual deviance.
* CLERKS: Aimless loser remains in dead-end job, abusive “friendship.”
* CRANK: Drug addict spends last day in orgy of rape and violence.
* CUJO: Family neglects to give family pet rabies shots, pays price.
* DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his girl-friends killed.
* DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: Aging sadist corrupts, endangers minor, facilitates murder, destroys superhero comic books for 30 years.
* DEMOLITION MAN: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.
* DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
* DIRTY HARRY: Police incompetence allows murderer to go free.
* DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
* E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
* FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former room-mate.
* FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.
* FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.
* SERENITY: Men fight for possession of scantily clad mentally ill teenage girl.
* GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
* GREMLINS: Distant father ruins son’s life, puts entire town at risk.
* GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
* HAIR: Hippie dodges draft, dies ironically.
* HALLOWEEN: Babysitter’s relationship with murderer places children in danger.
* HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.
* IRON MAN: Alcoholic rich white man with technology fetish goes vigilante.
* JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.
* KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.
* KING KONG: Endangered animal stolen, shot.
* LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
* MY GIRL: Boy killed by female friend’s irresponsibility.
* OCEAN’S ELEVEN: Gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.
* PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.
* PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Woman with gold-digging mother nags wealthy man into marriage.
* RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.
* RAISING ARIZONA: Convicted felon seduces police officer in kidnapping plot.
* RISKY BUSINESS: Privileged rich kid gets everything he wants with no consequences.
* ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.
* SE7EN: Homicide detectives unable to prevent even a single murder by admitted serial killer, killer gives cop head.
* SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: Incompetent manipulated by several murderers, stumbles upon suspect completely by accident. Creates situation that allows serial killer to escape.
* SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.
* STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE - Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
* STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
* STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.
* TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
* THE GOONIES: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.
* THE MATRIX: Hacker is given perfect justification for mass slaughter.
* THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS: Dangerous insurgent invades neighboring country.
* THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
* TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
* TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.
* WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.